The past weeks we’ve been filled with information or non-information about the Epstein Files. I’m feeling it as just another breakdown in the “systems” that were created (by men) and we’ve been instructed to follow – to have a good life, to create the “dream”. I believe much of it has to do with evolution and that we weren’t ready until this point to follow other directions. Even the “invention” of obesity has led to this moment. Many men are no longer capable physically and therefore women have become as strong, especially in the field of “hunting and gathering”.

In the beginning, men were created to be physically stronger and “braver” (maybe crazier) in the ways needed to protect the tribe and become hunters and gathers while the women protected their young and their homes. From the beginning people needed to belong to thrive. And so as not to have constant chaos, there also needed to be “systems”, if only where to put the spoils of hunting and gathering upon entering back into the tribe. From there, various, ingenious systems were created on how to keep food eatable longer, etc. etc.

When people started to think they had it all figured out came the underground systems, the ones that supported men and kept women in a place of supporting men as well – like religion. There was conscious thought that men were the great thinkers and whatever they were thinking in terms of “systems” and behavior was how society was supposed to conform. Alas came the perversion of thoughts and that the brains of humans were not created equal in the way they processed, nor the desires that lit them up. For as long as we can probably research, there has been diversions in what humans may feel delight from even if those delights are hurtful to other humans. In sexual orientation there has been a whole host of options that some “tribes”/religions deemed okay or not okay and that some delighted in despite harm to another individual.

And that is where we are today: examining a line of communication from a system that was created by a man who could only be satisfied with multiple sex acts per day, preferably performed by under age females and whom created a network of powerful men who thought their money precluded them from getting caught from implementing their darkest desires. But this system is just the cherry on the cake of systems that have been in process for eons. Apparently, technology has been the expose’ that we needed for this to come to light, it’s our “proof” otherwise it has all been heresay.

The Catholic Church was one of the public’s first “outings” of the system, whereby priests could prey on children for sex and not get caught because the system was designed to protect the priests. Priests were moved from station to station so that their acts could not be verified for a long enough period and eventually they’d die. Parishioners were told that they were “humans too” and a few bad apples shouldn’t spoil the bunch, and that by continuing to worship was an act of “faith” and wasn’t that what the Church was all about?

Then we started to hear about the system in healthcare, well I did anyway, where doctors (mainly male) could do inappropriate things to patients and interns because they “specialized” and brought in tons of money for the hospitals. Employees were threatened not to get involved and bad behavior, once at the tipping point, got the “professionals” moved from one location to another, just like the priests. In the same field where nurses (mostly women) are traumatized and penalized for minor infractions such as minimally participating in a unit’s group text chat to update evening to day-time staff. The amazing thing about this system is that the penalties are determined by The Board of Nursing (many female) and nurses need representation by lawyers, also many female, to protect themselves and their careers. Have the women in this system become so complicit that they are willing to take down and cost other women for minor infractions or is this just another systems originally created by a bunch of men to protect their own system??

And now likewise, even in plain sight, we have the filthy rich creating a system of abuse, blackmail and your wildest dreams for money where men come out on top and women are basically disposable. “They” are somehow telling us that these girls were lured in with promises of paid educations or elite networking as if that is supposed to make us question whether the intentions were in the girls interests and if the girls participated willingly. I’m only talking about the systems here because God knows there’s probably a perv or abuser around every corner that we’ve turned our heads to – either because it was someone we thought could be “nice” or because we didn’t want to expose the female as “damaged”.

What does this have to do with the snow storm? I’m sitting here writing about things that have me “captured” in thinking about how this affects my family as well as how, when and if the systems will somehow crumble. Also thinking about being at this age and where the systems affected me – so badly wanting to be a “mother” and wanting to make a “home” – that I didn’t have, while succumbing to what was being handed to me vs. what was possible. My mother told me I was a “tramp” and “damaged” and nobody was going to want me, that “everybody knows” – that’s how it all starts, to keep it all a secret – and growing up Catholic where shame of body and shame of sex or desire in women is part of the “system”.

It’s February 23, 2026 and we are having a snow storm for the records. I’m blogging away here because I just remembered I had this blog a few weeks ago and I remembered how I was committed to show there was another way to this whole “retirement” and aging deal. We just got back from a road trip to visit two of our adult kids in North Carolina where we realized that driving knocks the crap out of us and actually, the thought of going outside in the snow is knocking the crap out of me. I used to LOVE shoveling and making things in the snow, and give me a good hill with a blowup tube anytime – but not today.

Instead my head is swirling in Epstein Files and thinking about the evolution of the “system” and where we all may be headed. Im thinking about making a healthy pot of soup and getting stronger, hopefully enough to get out and shovel – or play.