Along with my love of Benjamin Franklin is a deep fascination with the history of the Royal Family. At one point England was considered a super power greater than the Roman Empire and people looked to the country for “vision” and social norms. My fascination started with the Tudors, reading several historical fictions as well as some non-fiction research. I did not delve into much non-fiction because I like to get my taste of history via “entertainment” in various fashions. Bingeing on books, movies, tv series and even live theater that overlap, gives me a more enjoyable sense of what was going on at the time. The tv series of The Tudors gave us the best way of relating to the Irish locals when John and I visited Ireland in 2024 and it was amazing to see how Henry did such a job on the Irish that the fallout is still felt today.

After my obsession with the Tudors came my love of the reign of King George III. I didn’t know anything about him until I watched Queen Charlotte via the Bridgerton series and realized that the United States Revolutionaries may have been very lucky given the situations that were prevailing in Europe at the time and especially in England. The book, The Royal Experiment, details King George’s life with mental illness and his overwhelming desire for a quiet family life. George was the first king to set the tone that a man should remain faithful to his wife where previously it was common for men, and especially Kings, to take mistresses. It was not until I watched The Crown, however, that I realized that the real job of the royal family was not so much to “rule” but to be the “moral compass” for the country. I often wonder what good it may have done to incorporate a piece of that model in our government today.

And that gets me to Charles and Camilla. Pretty regularly a photo of them pops up on my computer along with photos of the many dilemmas they have faced these past few years. Recently there was the headline of whether or not they would welcome Prince Harry and Meghan Markle with their children after not seeing them for a few years/ It made me think of how their family dynamics are always on public view and how their reactions still somehow set the tone for both our own morals and what it up for debate. Besides the Harry and Meghan drama we’ve seen the distancing from Prince Andrew after his apparent Jeffrey Epstein connection, the fraught relationship between the brothers William and Harry and of course, all of their health issues which reminded the public that the Royals’ days may be curtailed in some way or another.

However, it struck me that the Royal Family was just like any other family, except on display. As it had been in the past, they still needed to provide a “compass” for those of us dealing with some of the very same issues: fractured families, sibling rivalry, bad behavior, setting boundaries, health challenges, etc. I imagine that what the public sees of the Royal Family is orchestrated and I can’t imagine what kind of a spin I would put on the underbelly of my own family if it were to be front page news. So I give them a lot of credit for the decorum and grace they have shown.

What we see is a combination of fairytale, romance novel and gossip sheets of curated photos. When the Royals pop up on my computer screen with all sorts of “dirt”, my mind goes to “see, they are just like us”, albeit however with several castles, fancy names and a gazillion dollars of course and I wonder if all the trimmings make it that much easier? Those fancy hats the women wear really give an added touch that seems to me anyway, that they have it all figured out better than most.

It’s hard for me to believe that all the trimmings really do make it easier however (well a few extra bucks might give me some peace) because being at this age I realize that there is not much you can do to influence, no less control, the outcomes of family life. In my life, the more I’ve had the more complicated life has been to navigate. Currently having a small-ish condo with limited clothing and stuff as well as an “empty nest”, although not as lively, does give us more peace and space to navigate our days.

We went through the younger years, having a young family and not realizing our “control” that is so needed, is limited. We controlled everything and then zap!, we controlled nothing. Some parents can create a hold on their kids, a responsibility of some sort to honor them as long as the days are long. Often there is some sort of guilt and some sort of crazy religious beliefs that brings families together. Unfortunately, I didn’t and don’t have that. I swore off the guilt and after insisting my kids go to Catholic school, they swore off the religion. As usual, another bite in the ass!

We were told our kids are basically adults at age 18/21 and to “just leave them alone”; but then realize these humans we produce have some sort of hold on us. Through dna or the actual cells that get transferred during the internal growing and birthing process, they are somehow attached by an invisible thread to our subconscious for life. I’m in several Facebook groups of mothers of adults and every single mother (and sometimes a dad) says pretty much the exact same things and there’s a constant dialogue regarding their “responsibility” toward their adult children.

Women in their 80’s talk about “children” in their 60’s and their concerns for their “child’s” health or successful future. I remember going to visit my husband’s 103 year old grandmother in a nursing home and her asking if my husband’s father who was well in his 70’s had “a warm enough winter coat”! The Facebook mothers groups are closed, I wonder if it’s because us mothers feel “ashamed” for looking after our adult children and don’t want to be told over and over to “just leave them alone” by people either who do not have kids or who have raised a gaggle of perfect, high achievers. I also wonder if it needs to be a “secret”, those of us who expose our messy lives, imperfections and exactly what we are feeling, even though in my opinion it’s probably what most people my age are grappling with too.

There are things I wish I could just turn off, like a mother’s intuition that I know doesn’t serve me but that I feel to the very core of my soul. I wish I could turn off feeling like I failed somewhere along the line. There are rifts between many of the characters that I love. I think long and hard about what was and is my part in the relationship conflicts. I wish I could stop rationalizing and making up stories in my head why everything is probably for the better and how many “opportunities” have happened because of all the doors that were opened after some doors were closed. I keep telling myself the lessons are meant for a reason and we’ve all grown in some way from them. I’m in constant thought about the people I love, and wish I knew their truth and then I wonder if their truth is something awful about me. I spend a lot of time in the “what are people thinking about me?” zone while knowing basically nobody is thinking of me at all, or more than a fleeting minute anyway.

Big buzzwords: trauma and boundaries, both mean nothing to me and everything to me. I don’t even know what the “boundaries” are. I try to avoid even acting like they exist because I don’t have clue. The supposed role models in my life just isolated themselves and exiled everyone from their lives. I swore, like Scarlet O’Hara, that “as God is my witness” that will never be me, yet I feel like I am following suit. And I have followed suit as an only child who doesn’t communicate with any extended family. I honestly believe that, as Marianne Williamson says, “replacing fear with love, miracles will happen” but I refuse to put myself in that mindset with people I saw run themselves into the ground and a lot of very bad behavior while I was growing up. Total hypocrisy on my part even though I’ve seen Marianne’s words in action.

I spend time craving MY little tribe that I created to come together again, I want to be a part of something and I want more joy. I ache for the days when I had some “control” and when we all sat together doing nothing but making each other laugh about one dumb thing or another. There were so many days I felt like a huge success. On the other hand, I know that we are all on our own journey and I’m no longer the same person and neither are they. Our literal chemistry has changed and being in the same room is no longer as cohesive and may (probably will) be more awkward than it was. And don’t get me started about our political climate which sucks the joy out of pretty much everything and that alone can set a house on fire. That all being said, even with the house on fire I’m still hesitant to even leave the house; it’s very scary out there how easily you can be misconstrued and add more levels of chaos to your life by stumbling over a few words.

Life and being human is so complicated and that’s why I am so fascinated with Charles and Camilla. They definitely have a Marketing Team but do they have a Family Dynamics Team, a team of social workers or therapists, or are they just winging it and swirling around like the rest of us? Do the people they care about, care enough to cooperate with whomever are these “teams” of guides? Well, hey isn’t that what the Harry and the Royals rift is all about? Harry was the rebellious son from the get go. Do they live in fear of the next scandal or of a loved one cutting them off again? Don’t get me wrong, I was Team Diana all the way. I wanted the fairytale just like most of the world. I think that would have given us all so much hope. But oh no, Charles had to go and ruin a good thing with Camilla in waiting and now we just have what we got, just like the rest of us in real life. At least it’s a “love” story. In that regard, I feel like many people are just waiting for the next generation of Royals to take over which will be almost like having a piece of Diana back in the castle again. In the meantime, however, we get to watch how Charles and Camilla go about trying to mend their legacy and their family life on front page news.

Those fancy hats really do help. I am a lotions and potions crazy person, convinced that the next “solution” I put in or on my body will transform me. Maybe I have to go out and get me a fancy hat?